It’s Hard out Here for a Baby (Creative Carnival)

I have finished my entry for the October Creative Carnival at Write Stuff. Again, I went for laughs with this piece. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think:

It’s Hard out Here for a Baby

Life isn’t easy for a baby. No one seems to understand me. Sure every once in a while they do something amusing and I flash them a smile. Overall, however, these so-called grownups, the people are supposed to be in charge, don’t seem to know what they’re doing. I hope it isn’t like this my whole life.

Just the other day, my parents were preparing for a trip to the grocery store. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching them run around the house, gathering diapers and bottles, and always forgetting something. What makes me mad is when they strap me into that horrible chair, which if it’s use wasn’t banned by the Geneva Convention, it should have been. The seatbelts always scratch my neck and keep me from touching my toes, which I would have you know I just recently discovered. On top of this, they pick me up and put my stupid chair in the car backwards, so the only thing I get to look at on the trip is the back of the car!

Whoa, look at that! It’s my hand…Cool…

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. I was strapped into the seat on our way to the grocery store. I cried for a while just to let them know I wasn’t happy with the whole seating arrangement. After that, I figured I could use a nap and just as I was dozing off, the parents were jerking me out of my car seat and into my stroller. This contraption might be a pleasant change if it wasn’t so filthy from being in the trunk of the car all day.

By the way, what’s up with the grocery store? It all seems pointless to me. Can’t you people be like the rest of us and eat the natural way? I don’t get my food off some shelf at the Piggly Wiggly, if you know what I mean.

My parents managed to go through every aisle of the store and pick out all of their food without banging my stroller on anything too often. Of course they forgot the one item they were buying for me. I tried to tell them they forgot diapers, but they just wouldn’t listen. They thought I just wanted to be held. Whatever the reason for the miscommunication, it means in a few hours I will be strapped into the seat again and paraded around the store.

Anyhow, I haven’t eaten in two hours and fifty-five minutes, and it doesn’t seem like anybody notices. Enough of this, someone better feed me soon… “Waaaaaaaa!”

Puddles

On my way to work, I drive by a local High School. From what I can tell, a lot of the students walk to school, something I never had the option to do when I was growing up. A group of three girls– an athletic girl, a preppy girl, and a goth girl all high school age– were crossing the street in front of my car as I waited at the stop light.

As they approached the other side of the road, Athletic Girl pointed and seemed to say something to the effect of “There’s a gigantic puddle in our way!”. I’m not really sure what she said, as I was listening to th comedy station on XM Radio. At this point I started to get interested. “How are they going to get across that puddle?” I thought to myself.

Athletic Girl was first to make an attempt to cross the puddle and she was quite successful. She simply took a running start and jumped the puddle, narrowly avoiding a shoe full of mud.

Next, it was Preppy girl’s turn. Though it was probably 45 degrees Fahrenheit this morning, Preppy girl was wearing sandals, which are probably not designed for long jumps. Still, I expected her to attempt the jump anyhow. Instead, she tip-toed through the puddle, making sure not to get her jeans wet. At least she wasn’t wearing socks.

Finally, it was Goth Girl’s turn to navigate the puddle. Acting as though the puddle wasn’t even there, Goth Girl simply walked a straight line through the puddle, not acknowledging the fact that it would probably be several hours before her socks and shoes were fully dry. She would rather suffer the dampness of her footwear, than give the puddle satisfaction of knowing it affected her.

This all happened in a matter of minutes, but it made me smile. I imagine I would have attempted to jump the puddle, but there is something to be said for not letting obstacles get in our way. It was also interesting to see how three different people tacked a problem in different ways.