It’s that time of year again to dust off this oldie but goodie from way back in 2006(!).
I thought you all might enjoy a Halloween short story. Constructive feedback is welcome as always. Scroll past this for newer blog posts, or click Read More to continue reading this story.
Frank – A Halloween Short Story
I will never forget the time I met Frank. It was the first day of kindergarten and I had just built a huge fort out of those big, blue, plastic blocks. Just as I took a step back to admire my work along came Frank, plowing through my masterpiece head first, knocking it all to the floor. As tears welled in my eyes, Frank put his hand on my shoulder and said “Ugh.” Frank always knew what to say. From that moment on we were inseparable.
Frank had a style all of his own. I don’t think I ever saw him wear anything other than that gray blazer/black T-shirt combo. It wasn’t the most conventional outfit for a five year old, but Frank wasn’t a conventional guy. By the time we were in High School, Frank made it work.
The girls in our class were always into Frank, though I’m not sure why. I could never put my finger on what he had that I didn’t. Maybe it was because he was tall, though I think that had to do with those square platform shoes he always wore. Frank also had the classic square jaw of a movie star, though he also had a matching square head. He topped this look with a flattop, and I’m not talking about his hair. His head was literally flat. How did no one notice this?
When we started high school, Frank immediately caught the eye of Coach Legman, our school’s varsity football coach. Frank had never mentioned any affinity for football in the past, but I guess he decided he would give it a try and immediately became starting varsity Tight End, the first freshman in school history to start every game. I don’t think there was one cheerleader that Frank didn’t date.
I thought about playing football too, but my Mom wouldn’t let me. She was afraid I would get hurt. Instead, I decided to play clarinet in the school marching band. It was Frank who came to my rescue whenever the football team tried to fit me in the Bass Tuba. He was so angry I thought I could see smoke rising out of his bolts, though it may have been the light reflecting off the spit on my glasses.
Frank was almost voted Homecoming King our senior year. Rumor had it that he was too modest and took his name out of the running. I think the real reason was that he couldn’t find a tux collar that would fit over the bolts in his neck.
Towards the end of our senior year, Frank was recruited by several major colleges to play football. I can’t say why I wasn’t shocked when he chose to attend Notre Dame. Somehow it just seemed like a good fit.
Frank lived with his uncle Dr. Frankenstein in a dark old house on top of the hill that for some reason always seemed to attract lightning. I’m not quite sure what type of doctor Frank’s uncle was, though my guess is that some college is handing out doctorates for being a jerk. For example, he was always saying things to Frank such as “Respect me. I made you.” Total crap. Frank earned everything he achieved on his own merits. Frank never told me why he lived with his uncle and not his parents, and I never asked.
The summer before college, Frank and I were hanging out at his house and there was quite a commotion outside. We both ran to the window only to see several hundred people from town carrying pitchforks and torches. I’m not sure exactly what their problem was, though I heard a few days later something about Frank not getting someone’s daughter home before curfew. I still don’t think that warrants people calling him a monster, though. Besides, who in the suburbs owns a pitchfork?
Frank and his uncle left town soon after that, and I lost contact with Frank. I followed his football career at Notre Dame in the paper, always proud to hear what my old friend had accomplished. I had to smile when I saw him on ESPN on draft day, still wearing that goofy blazer as they announced him as the #1 draft pick. I have to admit I teared up a little when he rumbled to the podium and said “Arrgh”, because I knew he was talking to me.
I love it. Great story. I had to dig to find something “constructive” but here goes:
“I could never put my finger on what he had that I didn’t. Maybe it was because he was tall, though I think that had to do with those square platform shoes he always wore.”
I thought that part read a little awkward. Something about the “though i think that” part. So, for this to be constructive, I should probably offer a suggestion for rephrasing it. How about:
“I could never put my finger on what he had that I didn’t. Maybe it was because he was tall but that was debatable because of those square platform shoes he always wore.”
Anyway, great Halloween story.
This was great! For a minute i thought he was a normal kid until you mention his bolts!
Mike,
Thanks for the feedback. I am glad you enjoyed the story. Since no one commented, I was afraid it wasn’t any good.
Thanks Leo. Previous versions of the story were even more subtle to the point that some of my “editors” weren’t getting that Frank was Frankenstein’s Monster.
Very clever and cute; would do extremely well as a short story for younger readers too. My only editorial alterations would be “cosmetic;” i.e. changing the arrangement, particular words, or punctuation in order to smooth the flow.
Thanks Cat, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think younger readers would like it too. Maybe if I ever get a bunch of these written I will publish a collection of short stories. I can always dream, anyway 🙂
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This is a very entertaining little read – it’s funny to see the story of Frankenstein’s monstor from the eyes of a very naive narrator. I could see this being in a collection of Halloween stories for younger readers, I think they’d enjoy it. :]
Something I found quite funny right at the end of this was my own misreading of “announced him as the #1 draft pick”… I read it as ‘daft prick’!
Thanks Soph! It is a pretty silly story, but it amused me. Also, he he on the misreading. It’s funny how our eyes play tricks.
How lovely.
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Very cute. I’ll bet my son will enjoy this later today when he gets home from school.
This story is a scream! Loved it! Couldn’t spot anything that needed improvement even though I’m normally very picky.
http://linalamont.blogspot.com/
Thanks writinggb!
Thanks nissalovescats. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Hey SW, it’s dragonfly.
Wow. I love the way you reinterpreted the Frankenstein story. That’s really good, and you did a very good job. It was evoked a lot of the right emotions that made it a story that you would want to read again. I just liked it. I think I enjoyed it because we are watching The Young Frankenstein right now, and it just kind of fit with the Halloween. Are you in the spirit? Talk to you later!
dragonfly/curbxstomp
thanks so much dragonfly. That’s really nice to hear. That makes my day that you enjoyed it so much
That’s a really cute take on the Frankenstein story, Struggling Writer. There’s not much to improve on unless you wanted to rehash it so that it only becomes clear at the end who the story is really about. But I like it just as it is!
Thank Absolute Vanilla… (& Atyllah)! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I thought the story was extremley well written.
It had a quirky sense of humour.
Would I have permission to turn it into a talking book (in PowerPoint)
I want to leave the picture of Frankenstein until the end to keep the students guessing.
Keep writing these stories… they will inspire others to write.
This was VERY good!good sence of humor.well im going to use this for my honors enlgish 3 class.(if you have no objection)because tomorrows halloween and we have to have a halloween story.this is great.you will be a good writer one day with this.
Travis – I have no problem with you bringing the story to your class, as long as you say where you got the story. Thanks for the compliments. I’m glad you liked it.
Hey,
I adored this story,it….I don’t know,it just fitted too well.
I was not in a good mood when i read this,but this cheered me up and made me laugh.
I am not a frequent visitor on this site, so I may not be able to see your reply to this,but all the best!
You’re a good writer!
thanks another struggling writer. it always makes me feel good that i can cheer someone up with something i’ve written
What an awesome story! This story haa some comedy, a little horror, and a great ending.
I knew who you were talking about right away! =] Frankenstein!
You are simply an amazing author, and I hope you will be famous one day, and write books for children, teens and/or adults.
Good job. Well done. I rate this a 10 out of 10.
Sincerely, Jessica, age 14.
*has
Writer Writes (Jessica) – I’m glad you liked it. Your compliments mean a lot to me. I hope I get famous some day too 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you around again.
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you have the best stories to tell or talk about!!!! Good job
Oh, and by the way u have awesome stories that all kids and people would like to read about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck. peace out
Thanks!!! I loved it. I showed it to my 7th grade class and had them pick out the parts of the story, looks for literary techniques, etc… They thought it was fabulous!
Thank you for sharing it.
Leslie
p.s.- I shared with them your site, so they could read the rest of your work. 🙂
I was looking for a short story to read at a kid’s Halloween party tomorrow. We are setting up a creepy science lab in the basement and this story will be great to read after doing our “mad science” activities! Very fun!
Leslie – that totally made my week. Thank you so much for that.
mom (not my Mom) – I hope the kids enjoy it. Let me know.
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Very good job of showing one character through another’s eyes! Very entertaining!
Hi, I’ve been lurking Sue Seeger’s site. Love the story. good luck with NaNoWriMo!
I definitely needed – and appreciate – the Wide Smile this story left me with.
I think I’m going to borrow the ideas from others and read this to the children I’m having over for a Halloween party. It’ll be a nice way for them to come down (and calm down) after I’m done terrorizing them with more disturbing fare!
Very surreal.
Nice story.
You’ve made Frank into an everyman.
Cute and original! A great read to start out my day 🙂 Thanks for sharing it!
Love it! You’re a great writer. I loved the visual of a 5 yr old in a blazer. I was thinking Miami Vice and then the neck bolts showed up.
Glad you liked the monster line-up chart. Shame they didn’t put ol’ Frank on the chart!
Thank you! I really appreciate it.
i re-read it now.
loved it.
perhaps loved it even more than i did when i had read it the first time.
it’s never a bad idea to remind a reader to a story that is well crafted and interesting.
Oh My God. I so love this. There is nothing to critize. Well Done Paul.
I too have a grisly little tale on my blog.
To be perfectly frank, this story is a minor classic and could easily place/win just about any short story competition I can think of for it’s category.
Thanks, Man. It was really fun to write