A New Beginning

I have been working hard the past week on the edits for Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 of my NaNoWriMo story, and I’m really pleased with how things are turning out. It is going to be a long process, for sure, but I think in the end I’m going to at least have an entertaining story. Anyhow, one of my main edits was to come up with a more interesting beginning for the story. Here it is:

A large green troll leaped out of the shadows from the side of the road, scooped the wood-paneled station wagon up in his hairy, wart-covered hand, and smashed the car to bits. At least that is what Arthur King wished would happen as he stared out the window counting the trees as they whizzed by, an activity which came a close second to watching his drunken uncle stumble on the dance floor while performing The Macarena as the most fun he had on the trip.

What do you think? Do you like it? Any grammar suggestions? Would you read paragraph 2?

On a “life” front, my wife worked yesterday and so I was in charge of the daughter.  She didn’t have a nap all day, so I gave her and early bath at 7:15 PM.  When the bath was over we did our usual walk downstairs to read some books. I asked her which one she wanted to read and she said “Elmo”.  I grabbed the Elmo book and a few others and set her down on the couch ready to read.  Amazingly, she curled up and fell asleep.  That is surely the first time that has ever happened, and is what allowed me to do some writing.  Before you think everything was too easy, though, around 12:30 AM she got sick, or as she says, “I hiccuped”.  Seems like a one time thing, though, because she is in good spirits this morning.

10 thoughts on “A New Beginning

  1. What Diane said: I think I know they are in the car because I have read the very first version.
    Is this now the first paragraph, really?
    It starts off interestingly.
    For me, the last sentence was a bit long, I mean after mentioning ‘Macarena’ I lost count. But perhaps it’s just that I’m tired.

  2. Very interesting beginning, Paul. As a suggestion, I would break the sentences, especially the second one, into shorter ones, which would make them much easier to read, and maybe also remove some of the adjectives in the first sentence.

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