Free Range Chickens

As you may know, I’m one of those people who have one of those e-book reader thingies. I have the Sony Reader (thanks Mom and Dad). Yeah, I still like having a real book. Still, you do get used to reading on an electronic device. Honestly.

Anyway, I was skimming the Sony ebook store the other day, and came across some excellent books Random House is giving away for free. One of these books is by an author named Simon Rich and is titled Free-Range Chickens. It’s only 176 pages but it is an excellent book. I read it in a day. I never do that.

Basically, the book is a collection of funny anecdotes by the author, who I’m extremely jealous of. The guy has been published in the New Yorker, has published two books, and writes for Saturday Night Live. Oh, and he was born in 1984!

Jealousy aside, I so recommend this book to anybody who likes to laugh. Check out this excerpt from Free-Range Chickens:

A conversation between the people who hid in my closet every night when I was seven

freddy krueger: When do you guys want to kill him?

murderer from the six o’clock news: How about right now?

dead uncle whose body i saw at an open casket funeral: I say we do it when he gets up to pee. You know, when he’s walking down the hallway, in the dark.

freddy krueger: What if he doesn’t get up?

murderer: He’ll get up. Look at how he’s squirming. It’s only a matter of time.

dead uncle: Man, I cannot wait to kill this kid.

murderer: Same here.

freddy krueger: I’ve wanted to kill him ever since he saw my movie.

dead uncle: Hey, do you guys remember that night-light Simon used to have?

murderer: Man, that thing scared the heck out of me.

freddy krueger: It’s a good thing his mom got rid of it. Now there’s nothing to stop us from killing him. (Everyone nods in agreement.)

dr. murphy: Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. I was busy scheduling an appointment with Simon, to give him shots. freddy krueger: No problem.

(Freddy Krueger and Dr. Murphy do their secret handshake.)

murderer: It’s getting kind of crowded in here. Chucky, can you move over?

chucky: I’m over as far as I can get.

murderer: I need more space than you’re giving me. I’m a lot bigger than you.

chucky: Are you calling me short?

dr. murphy: Hey, guys, relax, all right? We’re all here for the same reason: to kill and possibly eat Simon.

murderer: (Sighs.) You’re right. I’m sorry.

chucky: Yeah . . . me too. I kind of lost perspective.

dr. murphy: It’s okay. Just remember: we’re all in this together.

dead uncle: Hey, it looks like he’s getting up! Wait a minute . . . where’s he going?

chucky: I think he’s running into his mom’s room!

dead uncle: Maybe we should follow him?

chucky: Are you insane? I’m not facing that kid’s mother. That woman is terrifying!

murderer: Seriously, there is no way I’m going in there.

freddy krueger: (Sighs.) I guess tonight’s a bust. Let’s try tomorrow, okay? Same time, same place.

So yeah, I got to read this book for free. I think it works from a publisher’s perspective as well. I had never heard of this author, and now I know about him. I’ll probably check out his other books and probably books he writes in the future. Everybody wins!

So, have any of you read Free-Range Chickens?

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4 thoughts on “Free Range Chickens

  1. I haven’t, but it sounds funny… how do you like the electronic reader? I’ve thought about it, if only because books in my purse weigh SO much and I can’t deal. But I DO love my papered friends, and have remained locked in indecision. Big surprise.

    : )

  2. I like the Sony Reader. It especially nice for reading free books I download online, so I don’t have to read them on the computer/laptop. The Reader is much closer to reading a book than on the computer.

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