Advice For New Parents – Remember the Floorboards

Having spent a late night with a baby that just wouldn’t fall back to sleep, even after a 3:30 AM car ride, I thought now would be a good time to share some advice with those of you who are soon to have a baby, or are contemplating it. This is one of the most important decisions you can make in your preparations, though you would not think so. I’m talking about the location of the baby’s crib. It’s too late for me, but it might not be for you.

The room you pick for your infants crib is very important. I’m not talking about a location near your room, or one in a shaded/warm part of the house, or one lacking lead paint on the walls, or the one room of the house not infested by rabid chihuahuas. I suppose these are nice qualities to have in a room for your progeny.  No, I’m talking about the floorboards, ie you need to choose a room you can walk across without it sounding like the first rehearsal of a kindergarden string orchestra.

This is my problem. We live in an older house. It’s in nice shape, really, even though things have “settled” in the house. And the room we chose for the baby is the squeakiest in the house.  I really should put a web cam in there, just so you all can see the contortions and ballerina moves we use to leave the room once we’ve gotten the little guy to sleep. You put one foot down, hold your breath, stand on your tip-toes, put your weight on the door frame, say a prayer, and hope for the best. All the while knowing one wrong move and those cute, adorable, little eyes are gonna open and you’re gonna up for a while.

There’s no going back for me. We already gave the other spare room to our daughter. There’s no way she’s going to go to the squeaky room, unless perhaps I paint the walls pink, and that ain’t happening. So, I’ll continue my nocturnal dance. You, however, still have a chance.  Go ahead, walk throught the potential baby’s room at 3:00 AM. Here any noises? If not, you’re good to go. If you do hear the squeaks, pick a different room. If you have no other room, build one. Or move. Just trust me.