Advice For New Parents – Remember the Floorboards

Having spent a late night with a baby that just wouldn’t fall back to sleep, even after a 3:30 AM car ride, I thought now would be a good time to share some advice with those of you who are soon to have a baby, or are contemplating it. This is one of the most important decisions you can make in your preparations, though you would not think so. I’m talking about the location of the baby’s crib. It’s too late for me, but it might not be for you.

The room you pick for your infants crib is very important. I’m not talking about a location near your room, or one in a shaded/warm part of the house, or one lacking lead paint on the walls, or the one room of the house not infested by rabid chihuahuas. I suppose these are nice qualities to have in a room for your progeny.  No, I’m talking about the floorboards, ie you need to choose a room you can walk across without it sounding like the first rehearsal of a kindergarden string orchestra.

This is my problem. We live in an older house. It’s in nice shape, really, even though things have “settled” in the house. And the room we chose for the baby is the squeakiest in the house.  I really should put a web cam in there, just so you all can see the contortions and ballerina moves we use to leave the room once we’ve gotten the little guy to sleep. You put one foot down, hold your breath, stand on your tip-toes, put your weight on the door frame, say a prayer, and hope for the best. All the while knowing one wrong move and those cute, adorable, little eyes are gonna open and you’re gonna up for a while.

There’s no going back for me. We already gave the other spare room to our daughter. There’s no way she’s going to go to the squeaky room, unless perhaps I paint the walls pink, and that ain’t happening. So, I’ll continue my nocturnal dance. You, however, still have a chance.  Go ahead, walk throught the potential baby’s room at 3:00 AM. Here any noises? If not, you’re good to go. If you do hear the squeaks, pick a different room. If you have no other room, build one. Or move. Just trust me.

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13 thoughts on “Advice For New Parents – Remember the Floorboards

  1. Thanks for the advice! My wife and I are expecting our first child, just about the time I’m trying to get serious about writing!

    I’ll have to walk the baby room’s floor for squeaks.

  2. This is soooo true!!!! Our house developed squeaky floorboards about two months after baby arrived. And we definitely developed a unique dance form to get ourselves out of the room.

    The thing that baffles me: how can a baby fall asleep in the middle of a store, in a school production, the middle of dinner with food all over their face and music blasting, and wake to a squeaky floorboard???

  3. I hear that brother, in a big bad way. Every floor in this house squeaks except the cement floor in the basement. I am not exaggerating. And I know all too well the hold your breath, wait and tip toe method.

    I hate it.

    I really think, when we move, I’m going to pay attention to the sound of the floors when I walk on them.

    The same is true for my in-law’s house. We stay in the rooms upstairs and those stairs are crazy squeaky (just like ours are.) I actually break out into a cold sweat when I have to use the bathroom over there in the middle of the night.

    Good luck on all of that.

    • We must stand in solidarity together against the squeaky floorboards of the world!

      That stinks that even your in-law’s house squeaks. My mom emailed me today and reminded me that their hallways are very squeaky. I forgot about that.

  4. Sorry about the late night. That just stinks. Thankfully, the baby’s room is one of only 2 in the house with carpet and we’re on a slab foundation (no basements in south louisiana), so we don’t get squeaks. But we do wait to put her down or check on her until the air conditioner is running. It’s pretty loud, so the noise drowns out any of our little noises that might wake her up.

  5. Uh-oh. We’re (fingers crossed) about to move into a very old (and bit of a dump!) of a house. Squeaky floorboards guaranteed. I will have my husband fix them all before we lay any carpet. Thanks for the tip!

  6. “If you have no other room, build one. Or move. Just trust me.” — Ahaha! Great advice. Man, it sux when after baby FINALLY goes to sleep some little minor disturbance wakes him and he’s good to go for another couple hours.

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