Advice For New Parents – Remember the Floorboards

Having spent a late night with a baby that just wouldn’t fall back to sleep, even after a 3:30 AM car ride, I thought now would be a good time to share some advice with those of you who are soon to have a baby, or are contemplating it. This is one of the most important decisions you can make in your preparations, though you would not think so. I’m talking about the location of the baby’s crib. It’s too late for me, but it might not be for you.

The room you pick for your infants crib is very important. I’m not talking about a location near your room, or one in a shaded/warm part of the house, or one lacking lead paint on the walls, or the one room of the house not infested by rabid chihuahuas. I suppose these are nice qualities to have in a room for your progeny.  No, I’m talking about the floorboards, ie you need to choose a room you can walk across without it sounding like the first rehearsal of a kindergarden string orchestra.

This is my problem. We live in an older house. It’s in nice shape, really, even though things have “settled” in the house. And the room we chose for the baby is the squeakiest in the house.  I really should put a web cam in there, just so you all can see the contortions and ballerina moves we use to leave the room once we’ve gotten the little guy to sleep. You put one foot down, hold your breath, stand on your tip-toes, put your weight on the door frame, say a prayer, and hope for the best. All the while knowing one wrong move and those cute, adorable, little eyes are gonna open and you’re gonna up for a while.

There’s no going back for me. We already gave the other spare room to our daughter. There’s no way she’s going to go to the squeaky room, unless perhaps I paint the walls pink, and that ain’t happening. So, I’ll continue my nocturnal dance. You, however, still have a chance.  Go ahead, walk throught the potential baby’s room at 3:00 AM. Here any noises? If not, you’re good to go. If you do hear the squeaks, pick a different room. If you have no other room, build one. Or move. Just trust me.

My Life is a Musical


My wife tells me our daughter is now 19 months, but I still tell everybody she’s a year and a half. It’s easier for people to figure out and is close enough. Anyhow, she is pretty advanced for her age as far as language is concerned. People are amazed all the time how articulate she is. Yes, I’m bragging. Sorry!

She is also a musical little girl, and we always say she has a song in her heart. In fact, half the time I feel like I’m living in a musical. She is constantly singing songs, often with my wife’s name, my name, or Odie’s name (from the Garfield comic strip) sprinkled into the lyrics. For example, Jingle Bells has often been sung as “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the Dadda”. Too cute.

The funniest thing she has been doing is singing the song “Oh where, Oh where has my little dog gone” whenever she has misplaced something, though she inserts the item she is looking for into the lyrics. If she is looking for her juice she’ll just sing “Oh where, Oh where has my juice gone” to herself until she either finds it or we get the hint and find it for her.

It’s really not bad, living in a musical though. It surely makes things interesting and cuter. Everything isn’t perfectly cute, however. I will save for another time the tales of rejection she has for dolls. This one knows what she likes at a year and a half (sorry, 19 months) already.